


Prizefight

by overconfession (areticentreader)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-03-03 11:51:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13340688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areticentreader/pseuds/overconfession
Summary: A poetry book filled with my heart's most painful laments.





	1. Chapter 1

**00 » round zero**

**{ e x t e n d e d • s u m m a r y }**

A poetry book filled with my heart’s most painful laments.

* * *

**{ e p i g r a p h }**

“The prizefight pits me against myself; the world is just collateral damage.”

**{ d e d i c a t i o n }**

To myself, for not even I understand the emotions I pour out on these pages.

**{ a c k n o w l e d g m e n t s }**

God, for giving me a heart that feels too much. And everyone I know, for hurting me in ways that leave me empty and wanting. I know none of you really meant it. And that’s okay, because that’s what people do. They hurt others, and they themselves hurt, and there’s nothing you can really do to stop that in a fallen world such as ours.

**{ w a r n i n g }**

» angst (not even joking, this is all angst)  
» bad poetry

* * *

**{ p r e f a c e }**

I honestly have no idea why I’m posting this because a) my poetry is not very good and b) this poetry book specifically is for when the void in my heart hurts the most and I can’t turn to anyone or anything to express it. This will not be updated on a regular basis. You probably don’t even want that because it’s not very good poetry. But even though it isn’t good, it is from my heart. Maybe I could go so far to say that it is my heart. To whoever is reading this, don’t worry about being gentle. It’s already broken.


	2. Love Lost

hearts are pounding, beating, broken  
by the wayside

oh! how I loved you  
when your soul was on fire  
for the Things I Could Never Explain  
and when your being  
writhed under my touch  
bled in my presence

but i know You all too well  
though Your lips sing my praises  
we both know who is mortal here  
and Who Is Not

your Smile is as crooked  
as the morality you lack  
and for that crook of a Smile  
I fell  
  and I fell  
    and I fell  
      until there was nothing left of me

but the love I lavished upon you still burned brightly within  
the corpse I had become  
you drank it all up  
until you’d had your fill

and after I’d fallen for you  
after I’d sacrificed myself for you  
after I’d died for you

you kicked me to the curb  
BECAUSE I WAS TOO imperfect FOR YOUR PERFECT SELF


	3. Where We Meet

This is where we meet.

This is the place where we find ourselves,   
Staring at each other face to face.   
This is the place where we collide   
In ways we never have before.

Scattered are the bones that we’ve broken.   
Littered are the hearts we’ve left open.   
And somewhere in the chaos that we’ve made,   
We’ve become it.

Here lies our fate.   
May it rest in peace   
Though peace is not what we have between us,   
But rather we have war.

There is a war inside all of us   
And somehow, some way, for some reason,   
Our wars have been ripped out of our bodies   
And left to lay waste as one right between us.

I am sorry for the pain my war has caused.   
I regret letting you get so close to it.   
I know that it takes two, but oh!   
I can’t help but take the blame for myself.

Like all wars, eventually the fighting has to stop.   
Eventually one side or the other or both   
Grow tired, and the war cannot be sustained.   
Ours is no exception; we never were.

So this,   
This is where we meet our end.


	4. In the Mi(d)st

Old has been replaced with new   
New has been overshadowed by old

The crowd is made up of faces   
That are both familiar and loved   
And foreign and feared

She stands in the middle of it all   
Her smile is brilliant   
Her heart is radiant   
Her tears are invisible   
And still she dances for them

Do you see those beautiful ribbons of red   
That pour from her fingertips and her palms and her soles?   
Do you hear her laughter   
Filled with ecstasy and hysteria and fear and fun?   
Do you even notice her?

She   
With her (barely) worn smile   
She   
With her (sluggishly) graceful movements   
She   
With her eyes that burn like the dying stars —

Out, until they are nothing   
But unseen masses in the midst of what they once were   
Galaxies that disappear like mist in the midst of day

She is quickly replaced with another   
Though they will never find another quite like her


	5. Death, Do Us Part

tell me something

what are you supposed to feel   
when your world is crashing down around you,   
when atlas can no longer bear the weight of the sky,   
just as you can’t take the beating from your heart anymore?

did you know   
that stars die?   
these gigantic floating masses of the physical embodiment of light die   
and we think we can live forever on this dying, fallen earth   
(orbiting a sun that’s burning itself out)

— in memories?   
memories don’t mean a thing   
when the people who knew of us have died   
when the books that were written about us have never been plucked off the shelves   
and when even our bones disappear to fill this dying earth   
with even more forgotten dead things

and i can’t   
i can’t

i c a n n o t

stress enough that when i’m gone   
it will not matter to anyone on this earth in the end   
because those gone are better off dead   
and those dead are better off forgotten

so tell me   
why do you insist that i should live?

is it so that you can feel better about yourself?   
is it so that you can believe without a doubt   
that you have made a positive difference in someone else’s life?   
is it so that you don’t have to feel the guilt   
knowing that maybe there could have been one more useless piece of trash   
taking up space, air, and resources someone else who was worth anything needed   
except there isn’t because you didn’t say anything?

don’t you know   
don’t you know   
don’t you know   
i’m already dead   
this body still moves   
but my heart has been torn apart so many times   
that sometimes i wonder if its beating is not because it is alive   
but because the world insists on making sure it’s dead   
by pounding all tragedy into it

what can you do to save me from that?   
what am i supposed to do to come back to life?

tell me   
tell me   
tell me

please

maybe i want to live


	6. ride it out

###  **{ w a r n i n g }**

» allusions to sexual assault

* * *

 

shallow smiles and heart eyes

your fingertips are feathers   
brushing against my skin and setting me on fire   
your lips are stones   
bruising my insides and stoking the flames   
your heart is gum   
that i take into my mouth   
chew until it is merely a remnant of its original beauty   
and spit out when i am finished

cough it up like ashes trapped in my lungs

_ stop it _

our mutual hatred is palpable   
can’t you feel it in our breaths?   
can’t you hear it in our cries?   
can’t you taste it in our kisses?

your words?   
they scorch my skin   
nip at my heels

but don’t you know   
that the look in your eyes compels me   
beyond anything your voice can do

_ i never wanted this _

your screams are nothing but sweet nothings to my ears   
lost in the breeze that rushes past   
flowing behind us like our hair

i drink in your tears and your laughter   
just as the tide laps at the shore   
ebbing, coming, going, in, out, gone, again

your mouth trembles against mine   
as the shutter clicks   
i can hear the cheers echoing through my mind   
and they’re asking for more

_ i’m terrified _

and when the ride ends   
i’m off   
legs quivering   
adrenaline pumping   
hand lingering in yours for just a second   
before i disappear from your sight


End file.
